Questions from a 22 Year Old
I have had a surprisingly clear and straight path since high school in terms of achieving what I thought I was supposed to. I loved the idea of technology so naturally, I went to college and majored in that interest. I had internships that nurtured me and now am working at one of the big four tech companies full-time. I remember in college I’d always say, “if I get this internship and do everything right… in two years I will have a full-time job and feel accomplished”. The iterations of the same thoughts would take place every semester in college, creeping closer and closer to my full time start date. It’s as if I pictured my life starting the moment I reached that goal. I felt sure that all questions and doubts I had about life and myself would be answered if I only got there.
Well two years have passed and here I am. Day by day sitting behind a computer in my 650 sqft studio apartment wondering if this is what I will be doing for the rest of my life. The problem is that my question isn’t, where did I go wrong, it’s: is this it? I have no regrets, no distinct errors I can identify in my past. I love the field I work in and was able to grow in all the experiences I have had prior to working full-time. I feel grateful for all the opportunities I have been able to work towards and the position of life I am in now. But this new feeling of emptiness seems to be a trend between friends and coworkers. We all can’t help shake the feeling that we are not reaching our potential and we genuinely don’t know how to.
At this point we all know the pandemic has drastically changed the world we live in. To me, to worry about all the things the pandemic has changed or potentially has made me miss in my life doesn't help. I don’t question the world we live in, I question how do I…or how does anyone even start to navigate this new chapter? There are people that seem to be thriving and knew what to do in this cloud of fog. They knew how to just — start. So I wonder, did I miss an update? Is there a readme file someone can forward? Because it feels like I am navigating life with expired instructions, looking for the right place to start.
